The Mommy Project

Reader Project: Get Published in The NY Times

Rachel Birnbaum is one of the funniest people I have ever had the pleasure of becoming friends with. She has a full-time gig as an advertising copywriter but she has always written longer form essays as a hobby. For the past few years, she has begun getting her very humorous pieces published in newspapers like Newsday and the New York Press.  On July 25th, Rachel accomplished what many writers only dream of, she had an article about taxi etiquette published in The New York Times.  I talked to Rachel to find out how she did it and what it meant to her.

When did you develop your love of writing?

I've been writing since high school.  I initially began with creative fiction, composing lots of little short stories.  Most of them have never seen the light of day, and probably never will. Unless of course you get me drunk enough.  Then I’ll pull out my notebook from under the bed, and together we’ll understand why I soon switched over to writing non-fiction and personal essays. 

What is your writing process?

For me, the process of writing is as much an emotional journey as it is a creative one.  There are mini-triumphs, moments of dread, panic, procrastination, euphoria, relief.  In high school I was on the cross-country team. Even though I was hands down THE slowest team member, I still experienced that runner’s high that people always talk about.  When I construct a satisfying group of sentences or start to see an essay come together, I actually get a writer’s high.

What does writing essays fulfill for you that writing for your day job does not?

In my role as a copywriter, there’s actually less writing involved than one would imagine. In the age of 140 character sound bytes, advertising messages need to be quick and grab people instantly.  (I’m sure I’ve lost at least 50% of your readers by now.)  I actually like to be long winded.  And it's nice to write freely without having to calculate where the sell copy comes in.

 

How long has being published in The NY Times been a goal of yours?

Oh, man. For a long time.  I was published in Newsday a few years ago and the rush of seeing my name in print lit a fire under my ass.  I have an incredible writing teacher named Sue Shapiro and she says that “clips are like crack.” Once you first see your name in print, you want to repeat that feeling as often as possible. I set my sights on many newspapers but The New York Times is obviously the gold standard.     

Did you write your article with The Times in mind?

I’ve always been a fan of the Complaint Box column in the Metropolitan section of the Times and they accept unsolicited submissions.  After a cab sharing experience I’d had not long ago, I felt I had an interesting enough angle to construct a piece that would be a good fit for the column. It took me about 4/5 weeks to write and edit the article. I tend to lack writing motivation for months, then suddenly find my groove and eat, sleep and breathe a story until it’s just right. But getting into The Times is tough, and I didn't actually think I'd hear back from them. 

Did you get any feedback on your piece before you submitted it?

Prior to submission, my writing group and my writing teacher, Sue read my piece and offered feedback, criticism and suggestions for editing. I get attached to words and sentences, and trustworthy outsiders help me knock out extraneous or irrelevant tidbits that I wouldn’t have the heart to remove myself. UPDATE: Rachel's husband was allowed to read it as well but whether or not she followed his suggestions is unclear.

 

When did you find out it had been accepted?

I submitted my article the very first week of May and by the end of that month I got a maybe.  In early July, I got confirmation over email that they were going to run it. I had just left a yoga class and I actually jumped up and down in the middle of a crowded street. I must have looked ridiculous but I was genuinely thrilled. I didn’t tell anyone about it in advance though, because I didn’t want to jinx it. I didn’t want to be the struggling actor who invites all of their friends over to watch their big scene…only to discover that their part ended up on the cutting room floor. So I kept my mouth shut for about three months. On July 25th, the day the piece appeared in the print and online editions of the paper, I called and emailed everyone I knew.  

What was it was like seeing your name on a byline in The Times?

It is one of my biggest personal accomplishments to date.  To be able to say that my writing has appeared in The New York Times is a huge coup. It also makes me want to churn out more and more of these little pieces and satisfy my publishing fix.  Once something is published, it feels real. It’s out there in the world.  And that’s much more gratifying than keeping it stowed away on my laptop. Or hidden under the bed for that matter.

Read Rachel's published NY Times article here

Read Rachel's published essay in The New York Press here

Nursery Trend: Owls

I have a friend who has a special talent for matching people with the animal to which they look the most similar. After meeting somebody, she will announce afterwards- "She's a peacock." "He's a penguin." "She's a cross between an alligator and a meerkat." And no matter what she says, you think about it for a moment, and realize she is exactly right. He IS the product of a three-way between a badger, a mongoose and a baby seal.  Of course, I couldn't resist asking her the all important question, "What animal am I?" She wouldn't tell me. "Come on," I insisted. "I won't care." "Ok," she said reluctantly, "You're an owl." Huh. "It's because I have dark circles under my eyes, right?" "Don't worry," she said, "I'm a rat." And she's right- she TOTALLY is.

Ever since, I have made it my business to embrace the owl. I have a little owl statue, an owl pillow and an owl lamp project in progress that I'll post when it's completed. But lately, I've noticed I'm not the only one embracing their inner owl- owls are everywhere particularly in nursery decor. They are a welcome break from some of the traditional animals you tend to find in nurseries like bunnies, sheep and monkeys. Below are just a few owl pieces that would appeal to just about anybody, even if they are more of a platypus or a rooster.

                    

Owls in top visual clockwise from left: pillow from Enna, burp cloth from The Gypsy Wagon, rug from Urban Outfitters, sewing pattern from Etsy, poster from allposters.com

Project: Design a Nursery That is Girlie Without Being Too Princessy

I had a baby girl in December and designing her room was a great project, namely because I knew my husband would stay out of it. I understand when he wants input on our duvet (he sleeps in the bed) or our pots & pans (he's the cook) but he understandably has no opinion on a baby girl's room.  I wanted the room to be everything I would have wanted as a little girl if I had some taste back then. (Full disclosure: when my mom took me shopping for bedroom carpeting when I was six, I picked out royal blue wall-to-wall shag and then lived with that decision for the next ten years.)

Whenever I have a design project, whether it's a room or a wedding or a commercial, I start with finding some photo inspiration.  Then I make a mood board using actual purchasable items. My nursery is a great example of turning inspiration into a mood board into reality. Below is my inspiration. I saw it on Design*Sponge before I was even pregnant and saved it. I loved the vintage feel of the room but knew that in my modern NYC apartment, I was going to have to adapt it to look a bit more streamlined.

The first step in creating the look was picking out a color for the walls. I'm well aware that the photo above has white walls but I love pink and my baby girl's room, cliche or not, was going to be pink. BUT I did not want it to look sickeningly sweet. I needed to pick something subtle. I found two colors I liked and painted a sample of each on the wall. Since I tend to respond to super saturated colors that end up looking terrible, I went with the one I liked the least. It is called Wild Aster from Benjamin Moore and on the paint chip it looks almost taupe. The overall effect was exactly what I wanted- beyond pale pink that gave the room a pink hue rather than a pink color.

Next I needed to figure out the furnishings.  We had a gold nightstand that never quite worked in our bedroom that I thought would look brilliant in the nursery.  I used it as the gatekeeper for everything else- what pieces would be able to live harmoniously with a gold nightstand? Below is my mood board. It evolved a little over the course of putting the room together but it stayed basically intact.

 

I bought a pottery barn dresser in an antique blue finish to use as our changing table.  It arrived darker than I expected but in the end it was a nice break from all the pink. The drawers are huge and perfect for fitting all of the baby's stuff. I had my heart set on an Eames molded plastic rocker but my husband convinced me that it was a decision I'd live to regret. (Did I say he wouldn't weigh in on anything?) I ended up getting a comfy glider from Pottery Barn slip-covered in a natural twill. (When I settle into that chair every night at 4am trying to rock the baby back to sleep, I always hear my husband's voice whispering- I told you so).  I bought a white modern crib from Oeuf to round out all the traditional pieces. I also bought a cheap storage ottoman at Home Goods and reupholstered it in bubblegum pink velvet from Duralee to use as toy storage. And I got a plain cream colored rug from Home Depot. The best decision and biggest splurge are the curtains from Anthropologie. They are ivory linen with black scripted handwriting depicting bits of love letters in different languages. I LOVE THEM. Last but not least, I needed a bookshelf.  I couldn't find one that was the right size so I had one custom-made at Gothic Cabinet. I opted for super simple construction- no details so it would look modern- and chose to paint it myself.  I painted the outside white and the inner shelves a high gloss peachy pink. 

As for kinck-knacks, I made sure to select items that were both modern and vintage looking. The giraffe and elephant piggy banks were both from Giggle. The square pouf in front of the chair is from Zid Zid Kids. The old school lunch box as well as some of the vintage looking pictures were from a little gift store in the East Village called Pink Olive. The hand knit garden flower doll is part of the always adorable Blabla collection. The mobile was handcrafted by Almost Sunday. The marquee "M" is from IOU Vintage on Etsy and I spray painted it gold. Below is the end result.

Almost all the items in the room were on my registry. If anybody called me to ask what I wanted for the baby, I told them straight up. People want to buy you something you want so dismissing their request and saying something like, "I'm sure whatever you get will be lovely" doesn't help anybody. Instead say, "I really have my heart set on this owl pillow from Dwell but I know I'll never buy it myself."  Or if it's someone like your sister you can say, "Please please please buy me the Anthropologie curtains!"

One more thing I should mention is the painting of the little girl above the nightstand. It's a portrait that my grandfather painted of me when I was in kindergarden and I can't think of a more fitting place for the painting to find its permanent home.

Click here for more nursery pictures after the jump
 

Project: Make the Baby Laugh

Mazzy is 8 months old and although she smiles a ton, she hasn't laughed yet. She's not ticklish and no matter how hard I try, I can't elicit that coveted belly laugh. I've come to the conclusion that either she is a very serious kid or I am not that funny. 

In my efforts to get her to laugh, I've gone on Youtube to see what works for other babies.  What I am confronted with is that other parents seem to have it ridiculously easy. They can get their babies to laugh from making animal noises, ripping paper, sneezing, playing peekaboo, pretty much anything. But when I try any of these things, Mazzy just sits there staring at me like I've lost my mind. We've even tried watching the videos together in hopes that Mazzy just needs examples of other babies laughing to push her over the edge. But nope, that doesn't work either.

My mother, a few weekends ago, bought Mazzy a doll that laughs when you press the belly. All weekend we were determined to make the doll Mazzy's new favorite toy. We pressed that belly at least a hundred times until I'm sure even the baby wanted to throw it out the nearest window.

And then yesterday something monumental happened.  It wasn't quite a belly laugh but it was a definite laugh none the less. You know what did it? I kissed the back of her hand. How sweet is that? It's as if Mazzy was saying, "See, Mommy? You don't have to try so hard."

Read another take on making Mazzy laugh on Mommy Shorts

Warm Sugar: My Favorite Handmade Dolls on Etsy

I did a lot of searching for handmade dolls before realizing that I should probably wait until Mazzy is a little older before I give her a toy with so many small details. Both for her sake and for the sake of the doll! But I still wanted to post about a line of handmade dolls that I found on Etsy because I think they are really beautiful pieces of design and workmanship.

The product line is called Warm Sugar and the dolls are all handmade by Shannon Jefferson. The price point is between $21 for the 9" Pirate Babies (and who could resist something called a Pirate Baby!) and $68 for a custom-made 17" doll with a name like Miranda or Devo.  The custom dolls come in both boy and girl varieties and have wonderful details such as a removable hat and scarf, lace-up shoes and vintage buttons. You can also choose between open or closed hand embroidered eyes along with specifying everything from skin tone to hair style.

I hope Shannon is still making her dolls in a couple years so that I can get Mazzy a close eyed Miranda doll with vintage buttons, lavender Mary Janes and brown braids with a straight side part! And I'll throw in a Pirate Baby while I'm at it.

Reader Project: Decorate a bedroom with a very opinionated seven-year-old girl

By Tracy Kleinberg

I recently built an extension onto my house above the garage; two new bedrooms with a Jack and Jill bathroom connecting them. My two daughters are four and seven, and we needed to get them farther away from us, so this seemed like a logical solution. My four-year-old Ava is easy-going and left the decorating to me. However, Maya, my seventeen-year-old, excuse me, seven-year-old was another story. She is an amazing child, but if something isn’t exactly her way, she won’t wear it, eat it, play with it, or live in it as the case may be. So I had no choice but to include her in the decorating process.

We began with two giant Benjamin Moore paint sample books. Immediately Maya was drawn to the names “poolside blue” and "lemon yellow". That’s right, she was drawn to the names, not the actual colors. And once she found them, there was no turning back. I ordered samples of the lighter versions of these colors, the ones higher up on the sample card, but she was onto me. Her new room was going to be these two disturbingly bright colors, or she wasn’t moving in! Once I gave in to the inevitable, I began my quest for matching bedding. Maya has very outrageous style; she often wears a sequin fedora to school, so finding something that suited her was not going to be easy. I scoured every store in the area that sold bedding, and spent many nights on the Internet, googling search terms like “turquoise peace sign blanket” and “bright yellow funky throw pillows for girls.” Everything I found was rejected with statements like “too girly-girl”, too babyish”, and my favorite “you think I’m a dork!” Surprisingly, my search ended at Bed Bath and Beyond, where I found this incredibly cheap, soft, and accessory-packed bed-in-a-bag set by Self Expressions. The multi-colored hearts were the perfect complement to the paint colors, and even better, it came with a mesh canopy and a sleep mask! Maya was sold.

Another struggle I faced was the fact that Maya is a gymnast – she can’t walk two feet without doing a cartwheel, a handstand or a back kick over. Therefore, I was afraid to leave the new hardwood floors exposed (afraid for Maya’s safety, not that the floor would get damaged, I swear!) and thought that even an area rug under the bed would not be enough protection (for her head, not the floor, really!) I decided to go to a carpet store, find wall-to-wall carpeting that was very soft and plush, and have it cut and bound so that it left exactly a half foot of hardwood showing on each edge of the room. I mean, I wanted Maya to be safe, but no way was I nailing anything into my beautiful new hardwood! I was expecting to not like this carpet solution and to just learn to live with it, but I wound up loving the look. If I ever decide another room in my house needs carpeting, I will do it this way for sure.

One of the best things I put in Maya’s new room is a built-in window seat with storage underneath. It is a great place to hide all of her trinkets and toys; you know the ones that she doesn’t necessarily use, but would be sure to ask for the day after I got rid of them. She keeps all of her stuffed animals on top, which helps keep them off the floor. When designing this aspect of her room, I envisioned her lounging in the window reading a book, so I added two sconces for extra lighting. Well, so far she mostly uses the bench as a stage to put on shows for us, and the sconces as her spotlights, but she wouldn't be Maya otherwise and at least they are getting a lot of use.

Designing a room with Maya was challenging and fun at the same time. Her opinionated personality and outrageous style are two of things I love most about her, so I really couldn’t be mad that they came out in full force during this project. The beautiful, pink, shabby chic bedding that I originally bought her when she first got a bed has been lovingly placed in our guest room, so it's still around for me to admire. In the end, we both got what we wanted. She got a bright, funky and fun bedroom where she can cartwheel to her heart’s content, and I got her room moved all the way to the other side of the house. Now if I can only find a way to get her to stay in there all night…

 

  

Toddlewood: Tricia Messeroux starts a business inspired by her daughter's love of dress-up

Tricia Messeroux is someone I worked with for a long time in the ad world before I knew she was a photographer.  Back then taking pictures was a passionate side project but since her latest venture, Toddlewood has taken off, her love of photography is fast becoming the main event. I talked to Tricia about how she got started and what comes next.

What is Toddlewood?  Toddlewood is a photography experiment where we transform city kids into superstars, celebrities, and historic legends to be captured in iconic photographs.  Audrey Hepburn, Donald Trump, Run DMC- anyone is fair game. I work with an amazing group of costume designers, hair and make-up artists, and a production crew to help bring the images to life. The kids, of course, have a blast.

What inspired you to start Toddlewood?  I've always loved shooting portraits of people but when my daughter, Skylar was born she became my favorite subject yet.  When she turned three and I was surrounded by all of her amazing and unique friends, I knew I had to do something special with them.  They were constantly raiding my closet and playing dress-up which is what sparked the idea.

What does Toddlewood fulfill for you?  When I was a corporate executive, I was responsible for business and marketing decisions but not necessarily the creative execution.  With Toddlewood, I get to have free reign over my own creative product.

How did you get the word out there?  I put out a casting call for children all over the Tri-State area in February of 2008.  Initially I was shocked at the response, but then again, everyone wants to have professional pictures taken of their kids! Shooting began in April of 2008 and the first Toddlewood exhibit launched in April 2009.

When did you realize this could take off?  After the very first photo shoot.  The reactions of the families were incredible.  It was just so much fun for everyone involved!  After the first couple of shoots the chatter began and I found myself fielding email submissions left and right.  Then I had my first Toddlewood show in May of 2009 and was amazed at the turnout. It just snowballed from there.

What is your philosophy on balancing work, family and creativity?  It can be overwhelming at times but I just know I have to get it all done by any means necessary.  I have an extremely supportive husband and a daughter who is by my side at all times.  Skylar is five now and loves coming on the shoots and making friends with the subjects.  It's important to me that she feels like my partner in Toddlewood instead of slighted by it.

What is the future of Toddlewood?  This year I am producing a coffee table book, calendars, and a Toddlewood Sport t-shirt line featuring my photographs.  Part of the proceeds for the product line helps support children's health causes like the American Cancer Society's Camp Adventure, St. Jude Children's Hospital and One for Jasmina.  I plan to have another photo exhibit next year and I'd love to take it on tour.  I'm also envisioning a ready-to-wear, semi-formal couture line that would launch in Spring 2011.  Maybe even a Toddlewood flagship store!  I know I dream big but that's part of my philosophy. Just move forward and keep your fingers crossed.

 

www.Toddlewood.com
 

Project: Becoming Mommy

Having a baby has been one of the most rewarding tasks I have ever had the pleasure of taking on.  But identifying as a mother and with the other moms around me has been more of a work in progress.  I work in advertising and advertising is all about branding.  And since I had a baby on the later side, I have spent a long time cultivating the "single career woman brand".

The first crack in that brand was when I got married three years ago.  To this day, I feel a little funny using the word "husband."  I think it's because of two things- 1) it feels too grown-up, even though I am well aware I am now in my thirties and 2) it feels like I'm admitting that I wasn't entirely happy with the "single woman" brand, even if that's probably true.

The second crack came when I got pregnant.  I remember walking around those first few months like I was carrying a big secret.  It made me nervous that soon my personal choices would be on public display.  But it's funny how you look at something a certain way and then when you embody that role, it becomes something completely different.  After it all sank in, I didn't feel exposed, I felt special.  It's as if my whole life I wanted people to think I was destined for something greater and now the proof was right out there for everybody to see. 

And then the baby was born. During delivery, I know people scream and cry but my husband can attest to this, I couldn't stop laughing.  It just felt so monumentally ridiculous that it was me in this pushing scenario that I've seen played out in the movies a billion times.  All of a sudden, instead of motherhood being a concept that I'd digest some time in the future, it was a right there in my arms wrapped in a blanket.

I live in the East Village of Manhattan so people around here talk about the invasion of the stroller mommies as if it's the end of everything cool and interesting.  The first time I walked down the street with the stroller- I felt a little proud but mostly unnervingly conspicuous. After seven years of people seeing me out and about in the neighborhood, I was now outing myself for what I had been all along- a mother whose sole purpose was to use more than my fair share of the sidewalk.  To the casual passerby, the stroller said I was Mom first, person second. I have used a sling or a baby carrier almost exclusively ever since.

Before I got pregnant, I was very active on facebook.  I wrote updates that were mostly random things I found funny.  I thought the people who were constantly updating with stories about their kids as if there was nothing else going on in their lives were a whole other breed.  But when I got pregnant, talking about anything else as if it mattered almost seemed like lying.  So I stopped status updating all together.

Of course, when the baby arrived, I shared my happy news with my corner of the online world. And then for a while afterwards, all I did was share pictures and anecdotes about my incredibly adorable, smart, precocious, personality filled little girl.  If I had a funny update, it was about diapers,  If I discussed a problem it was about lack of sleep.  If I posed a question it was about feeding solids.  In short, I was becoming one of THOSE moms! So after a few more baby centric updates, I made a pact with myself to talk about something else.  The gym, the weather, The Bachelor.  Anything.

But then I realized that the baby WAS what I wanted to talk about.  It's not the only thing going on in my life but it's certainly the most important and the most entertaining.  And the moms I know on facebook not only seem genuinely interested in sharing experiences, but they also offer a ton of great advice. There are no judgements.  And as far as everybody else is concerned, they can block me if they want.  

As we say in advertising, it's time for a re-brand.  After all, the only person who was hanging on to the old brand was myself. 

Project: Throw a NYC chic wedding on a ranch in California

Granted, this is an old project of mine. But it is by far and away my favorite.  Mike and I wanted to have a destination wedding mainly because our favorite weddings are away from home- where you have the pleasure of taking an unexpected mini-holiday with a bunch of family and friends. Destination weddings can also be much less expensive, especially if you live in Manhattan! We decided on Sonoma partly because we had a wonderful trip there the year prior and partly because it was the farthest we could convince people to go that wouldn't piss them off. 

My goal was to take full advantage of the ranch we chose as our location but to create a wedding that felt like it was "us." I wasn't about to have a wedding involving earth tones and handpicked bouquets. That is perfectly lovely, but it is not me. I envisioned something with black and white patterns and bold pops of fuschia and kelly green. 

I didn't have an unlimited budget (who does?) so I had to spend my money where it counted.  One of the best decisions I made was to have a black and white patterned tablecloth.  It made a dramatic statement without costing anymore than a white tablecloth.  It also took the pressure off the flowers.  And as opposed to being super specific about what flower I wanted, I told my florist, Kathleen Deery, the most important thing was the color.  Another great decision we made was using a black and white tiled dance floor as opposed to the traditional wood dance floor.  It was a lot cheaper and fit perfectly with our decor.  I designed the cake based on my dress at Fleur de Lisa.  I also designed all the stationery from the invitations to the programs to the menus myself.  My amazing clothing designer friend, Emily Shalant, made the bridesmaid dresses in all different black and white patterns with black ribbon and big black button details. The end result looked beautifully put together without seeming too matchy matchy.  (I loved that even though I didn't specify, none of my bridesmaids wore heels). My old roommate, Michael of Michael Andrews Bespoke, designed Mike's suit as a wedding gift. The whole wedding truly felt hand created and curated by our ourselves and our closest friends.  

And of course the most important thing in any wedding- finding the right photographer.  Originally I had my heart set on Lisa Lefkowitz but she was booked.  So I asked her if she was getting married, who she would want to photograph her wedding.  Without hesitation she said, Jose Villa, and then I just went with it.  He was fantastic- he even managed to get my wedding it's own four page spread in Bride & Bloom magazine.

One of these days, I'll find the mood board I put together to give to all the vendors.  It's a trick I learned from working on TV commercials. It's the only way to make sure everyone knows the look you are going for and ensures all the vendors are on the same page.  I've designed two other weddings since my own and a mood board is the first thing I do.  And it's kinda neat to see the mood board next to the finished product- now where would I have saved it...

Click for more photos after the jump

 

The Best Baby Gift I Received

  

When your baby is born, you are inundated with gifts from family members, friends, and co-workers. My sister's dog, Roxy even got the baby a gift but Roxy also has a facebook page so that's another story. As the gifts roll in, you feel torn between feeling completely loved and thankful and being totally overwhelmed and distracted by where the hell you're going to put all this stuff. But everyone has that one gift that they totally adore. The gift that wasn't on the registry but wasn't plucked randomly out of the sale bin at Target either. It feels personal and special and makes you want to call that person immediately to thank them for knowing you so well.  

That gift for me was Alexander Girard Blocks from House Industries. The blocks use different fonts from the Alexander Girard font collection, a beautifully unique combination of colors, decidedly non-kiddie graphics and a cleverly-adapted House Industries factory logo puzzle on one side. And while the baby grows and we cycle through all the cute little outfits, the blocks will maintain a permanent space in our living room for years to come.  It is, in fact, the only toy that has a permanent space in our living room. And sometimes we even let the baby play with it:) Thanks, Val!